DAMN!! I Feel So Shitty...

There are things that called:
- Stress
- Pressure
- Headache
- Illness
- Worries
- Roadblocks(as in your thoughts)

In our daily life... But who can avoid those stupid things? It's only what we think! What for to have one of those?

DAMN! I'm the one who say, not to have those stuff, in fact, I'm ONE of them in the world.
Well, what had happened on me? I'm still figuring out...
Thoughts like :
Why things go that way but not this way?
- Who knows it(or those things) goes different directions. Idiot!

Why things have to be like this but not what I've expected?
- If everything always in your expectations, then, there are no clue to be you world anymore. You could probably be "God" already. Idiot!

Why things that I think, would be like this, but end up like that?
- Of course, the world keep changing, and you keep breathing and as in game, even a goal can't really tell that you sure win the game or whatever the situation is. Idiot!

Why things that impossibly I can do, I want to act like I can?
- It's all pointed at your own attitudes, always be so ambitious, so proud of yourself, thick face, act pro and Bull-shitting. You should be ashamed of yourself. Idiot!

Why things that can't be achieved, and I still day-dreaming about that?
- Because, you're always like that! You never change, and you keep acting to be someone/thing else! Your attitudes are still the same, just that your thoughts(maybe some of your thoughts) slightly different from last time you in this situation! Fatt, Wake Up! Damn you! Idiot!

Why I can keep helping people something but can't help myself?
- Because you want people to know that you're helpful! BUT you MUST realize that, every time you do, you OVERDO it! OVER-REACT it! Slap yourself, idiot!

These encountered me, and I realized that I really do so since ages ago, but thing is, I just can't change, I have no idea why... HOPE I can CONTROL myself... *Punch to the nose* Okay, I MUST CONTROL myself... *nose bleeding*


I'm TOTALLY LOST, only to find myself, the TRUE me...
There are persons beneath my mask...

Evil inside me...
Good inside me...
Pure-person inside me...
Idiot inside me...

Which one is the REAL me now... I've no idea which one to choose to be!!!
DAMN!!!!!!!DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HELL YA, DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!